who am i?

who am i? who am i, at my core? this is a question i’ve asked myself many times throughout the years, but i’ve never been brave enough to answer. you could say i’m a girl, a student, a teenager, a person. but these things don’t really define who i am, do they? i like to think that i’m much more than just “a girl” or even “a human”. i’m all of those things, but at the same time none define who i really am.

i am the cup of tea with almond milk i have for breakfast every morning, i am the indie-rock songs i listen to on my way to class looking out of the bus window. i am the sky i admire while i walk my dog through the dry countryside. i am the adventures i’ve lived, the cities i’ve fallen in love with, the laughs i’ve shared with friends -and even strangers-. i am the chords i play on my guitar in my backyard during summer and the pages of the books i read every night before falling asleep with the windows opened and the sheets up to my chin.

Dehesa de Moncalvillo – 2017 – Nikon F601 on 35mm film – 50mm lens – Photo by me

i am not just any word, not any noun. i’m all the things i’ve experienced, because these have made me who i am today and have shaped my personality and attitude.

you could say many things to describe me, but it’s harder to define someone. i’ve come to understand the huge difference between describing and defining.

being a girl, a student, a sister, a friend, a daughter, a person. these words describe me, but they do not define me. they don’t give enough information. they don’t tell i’m passionate about nature and the Earth i live in. they don’t tell i love to have banana porridge on Sunday mornings or that i tend to get lost in a book often. you wouldn’t be able to tell England is my second home or how i’m dying to travel the world. that i don’t like clubbing that much but i’m obsessed with tea and international friendships and photography.

i think trying to define yourself is one of the easiest and hardest tasks in life. it’s easy because no one really knows you like you know yourself. but it’s hard because sometimes we have a difficult time trying to figure out who we really are.

but it’s okay to not know yet. it’s okay to feel confused. life is about finding yourself. it is about figuring out what you love, hate, what makes you cry, smile, shiver, scared, sad, jealous, and most importantly, happy.

it’s fine if we haven’t figured out who we really are at 24, 33 or even 47. we will eventually. or maybe we won’t. but that’s life.

My friend & I – 2017 – Madrid, Spain – Nikon F601M on 35mm film – 50mm lens. Photograph taken by Carolina Vega